17 August 2006

Troy Lee Gentry, Cowardly F**k

I'm a big tough country star. I writes me some jingoistic songs supporting war (except when it comes to actually signing up, "he'll go if Uncle Sam calls", what's stopping you from signing up tough guy), hitting your kids ("not sparing the rod"), and "kicking ass for Jesus."

I especially loves me some good ole fashioned huntin'. I'm a gonna shoot me a trophy bear. I'm a gonna just buy a tame one for $5,000 and shoot it while it's trapped in a cage. Then, I'm a gonna pretend that I was a real he-man hunter, get some fraudulent tags, a fraudulent videotape and try to make it look like it was a fair kill.

This is where our justice system should get creative. They should just roll this guy in some honey and fish guts and drop him in with some bears at the zoo, after they haven't eaten for a day or two. If that's not possible, I really hope he makes a nice wife for someone in prison.

He gets a letter from Jesus' General.

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